


14x18 Coda

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Platonic Cuddling, Season/Series 14, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 04:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18439202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: After Mary's Hunter's Funeral, Castiel reflects on his own loss and the state of his family





	14x18 Coda

It wasn't until Sam placed his hand over my heart that I realized how broken it was. Mary Winchester is...was...the only mother I will ever know. I loved her. She was family. And it was my adopted son who took her away from us. I lost... _ we _ lost our family. We had finally felt like a family.

 

My eyes pled to Sam,  _ He needs me. _ Sam's hand on my shoulder answered,  _ I know, but he's not ready. _ I had to accept that. Of the three of us Sam was the reasonable one, the rational one. I suppose that was a testament to my humanity that I was incapable of being rational.

 

The ride back home was silent and thick with tension. Like waiting for the numbers on the bomb to run down. I could see Dean's jaw grinding from my seat in the back. It was bad when he didn't glance in the rearview mirror at me. I needed to make myself scarce.

 

Dean stormed off to his, well sometimes  _ our _ room. I would give him that space. I still had a dorm to call my own when I needed it. It was sparse, my few belongings blended with Dean's in the other room. 

 

We fell into an easy cohabitation over many late nights of watching movies together. Dean would doze off, leaning on my shoulder. It was too precious and peaceful to move. Eventually he handed me a set of pajamas and told me I may as well get comfortable.

 

I didn't have a set in my room. So I did the next best thing and shed a few layers and my shoes. I settled on the bed, I'd grown accustomed to the memory foam, and pulled out my phone to scroll through some pictures of happier times. My mother…

 

Time must have slipped away from me. It was late in the evening when I heard a tap at my door. “Come in.”

 

Dean opened it but didn't enter. He just stood in the doorway. Without meeting my eyes he nodded his head in the direction of his room. I got up to follow and found my pajamas laid out on the foot of the bed. He kept his back to me as I changed.

 

I got into my side of the bed. Instead of just lying on his side, Dean actually rolled to me and put his head on my shoulder. “She's really gone,” he rasped.

 

I held him and stroked his hair. “I know. I'm sorry.” It was all I could think to say.

 

“I didn't mean…”

 

“I know that, too.”

 

“Don't leave.”

 

“I'm not.”

 

“Home...family…” Dean slurred before exhaustion took him. 

 

It was a long night. There were nightmares and Dean calling out. I lulled him back each time. And I realized...he needed  _ me _ . Not an angel. Not a fighter. He wasn't calling on my grace to be healed. He needed his family. He needed me to be  _ here _ . So I will be.


End file.
